Not inspiring

So I use Livestrong.com to track my food intake and there are some forums or blogs on there. There is one that is for people with 100 or more pounds to lose. One guy on the site has lost 144 lbs in less than a year and is at his goal. He supposedly has never had a slip up since he started. The worst part is that he posts on every comment about his success and how perfect he is. I posted today about how the day after christmas is just a day like any other and if you are waiting to get back or started on weightless until the new year you should consider starting today and get a jump start on those new years resolutions. Of course he is the first to respond how he of course would not crowd out healthy food with bad food and that 144lbs feels so much better than anything would taste.

What a load! Seriously, sure you can be perfect maybe but for how long? And really mom's chocolates and grandmas christmas dinner are worth a few lighter calorie days this week. Maybe at 50 something its different but at 25 dude I'm going to eat some mashed potatoes and my mom's chocolates. And you know what its fine. I own it. I make that choice just like today I made the choice to go right back to eating like I know I should.

What I'm saying is that you can't be perfect all the time and pretending that you are-dude on Livestrong- is not helping anyone. Seriously if I had to go into this thinking that I had to be perfect or it will not work I don't know if I would have gotten started.

So Livestrong guy let me know where you are 3 years from now. Still perfect?

Heading into the holidays

Hi guys still here. Well its been so long since I wrote but I am still going strong.
I had a wonderful time on vacation and tho I ate too much I was at the same weight when I came back as I was when I left so it must have evened out somewhere. I am currently down to 165 I had dropped as low as 163 so I'm up a bit but I will be back there soon.

I am somehow stuck still at size 12 my goal is to be an 8 I will get there but I wish I wasn't wasting so much money on clothes at the wrong size-with the holidays and just life I have had to get a bunch of new stuff that I actually really like. Did you know that when you lose weight your feet will get smaller? Well I sure did not! All the high heals I had been waiting until I was smaller to wear as my feet would have less pressure are actually falling off when I step. I know what a terrible problem but I can't stand spending more money on clothes. So I will make due with what I have. Maybe santa will get me some gift cards.

I know alot of bloggers have talked about a similar issue before but I just have to put out there how uncompfortable I still am when people notice my weightloss. If it is in private its not so bad. I ran into my old boss last week and I had lost 80lbs since seeing him and so he of course noticed and asked me in the most polite way he could what I had been doing. It was weird but just fine. What really bothers me is when people say it around people that I have met recently or only half way through my process. UGH I just wish that they would not have to find out that I used to be so big. I guess it is just something I will have to deal with. I will not take down all the pics of me from before on facebook otherwise there would be no pics of me so there is a record for anyony with the internet I guess. I hope it will get less emberassing the smaller I get.

Holidays are so soon and I am ready.
 Game plan that works for me

1. Enjoy the meal not the season.
2. Never bring leftovers home
3. Bring a dish that is on the healthy side so you can fill up on that
4. Snack on the way so you are not starving
5. Resume real life eating as soon as possible



Lulu Ready for the holidays



I still have my dad to buy for, one gift card to mail out, and waiting for a package from QVC for my mom-they gaurentee delivery before Christmas and man that In the Kitchen with David guy is the best salesman in the world.



Lulu in all my old clothes for donation



Hope your hoildays are shaping up nicely what I'm looking forward to the most is having my brother in town and some nice time off to hang out with the fam and snuggle my doggie.

Going Strong

Well I am much more of a blog reader than a writer it seems but her is a little update on where I am.

I am actually doing great!

I am losing weight slowly but I am feeling good and back to being very active. SW-245 CW-171 GW-140

I am counting calories like its my job and am switching up what I am eating. I never used to like milk even tho it is so popular it repulsed me. Then something changed-as a kid my mom bought 2% as an adult I would only buy skim-both gross. I recently tried 1% and wow what a difference it made. Its great, has flavor but not so thick who knew. I am now drinking at least 1 glass a day and making my oatmeal with it for breakfast. I know it has calories and I am tracking those as well so I can only see good coming from it. Also it is filling! I actually have it as a morning snack and it can tide me over for quite a while.

I am jogging now!!!! I can't get over it. I starter the c25k program on a podcast that tells you when to start and stop and I finished it!!!! I can jog for atl east 30 min without having to stop yay! I tried yesterday to actually do a 5k at the park marking distance not time but I made the mistake of bringing my doggie-a chihuahua. She did the training with me so physically I know she can do it but she was not feeling it yesterday and just refused to even walk after 2 miles. I tried to carry her while jogging but her poor head just bobbled too much that I ended up walking. Good thing is I ended up walking 9k instead of jogging 5 so it was still a good outing next 5k tho I am going to do it solo:)

PT seems to have worked. I am 90% pain free now. I am continuing to do the streaches everyday after I take my doggie for her morning walk so that my muscles are a little warmed up to be able to streach-Tip from PT never streach with cold muscles walk or do something to warm them for 5 min first to prevent tearing.

I am going to Florida next week for vacation and I am soooo ready to have a break from real life. First half I am going to St Pete beach just to sit by the ocean and suck up the wonderful smell of the salt water and feel the breeze and ocean waves on my feet. Second half I am going to Disney World! I am so happy to be going there and will act like a child the whole time. A good friend of mine moved down there at the beginning of the year and I am going to say with her and we will go to the parks together. It will be great to catch up with her. I am looking forward to traveling with a smaller body hopefully the plane will be more compfortable at a size 12 than it was at a size 18 as I was the last time I wa in a plane.

Only downside of going while I am losing weight is I have no clothes. I seriously have work clothes and workout clothes in my wardrobe so I had to buy some stuff. I added 2 pairs of jeans and a few tops. I also got some new swimsuits and because it is September I got them for super cheap like 4$ each for 2 tops and 2 bottoms awsome!!!

Maybe next time I write I'll have some fun photos to share!

1 year in: A reflection

I decided to change my life on August 5th 2011. So I have made this my life for the last year. It has gone by so fast now I can't believe it. I feel like a different person while at the same time I know that if I let it all that hard work could go away. I wanted to go over the last year with myself so here is my recap if you would like to look back with me.

What spurred this on? I am not completely sure but I can remember a combination of things:

• First, my little brother gave me his Wii. I bought Wii fit and started doing the free step for 10 min on the first day.

• Second, I stared watching Biggest Loser and realized that I was above some of the starting weights. Okay I was watching season 1 and they got much larger from there but still it freaked me out. 

• Third, I had gone from wearing an 18 to having to buy size 20 jeans. I had been an 18 FOREVER like as long as I can remember. Surpassing that, for myself, was unacceptable.

• Fourth, I attended a wedding in June and a baby shower in July and saw the pics of me on Facebook and they were terrible.

Once I started I feel like my journey naturally broke itself into stages. Each stage had different eating and exercise.
Stage one. August through November-Finding what works for me

• At the very beginning I was too embarrassed to exersize in public so I did the Wii fit in my living room. I built up from my 10 min free step to 1 hour 45 min. At some point I bought the risers so it was more of a step up. 
• The only diet that I had ever had success with was low(practically no) carb. When I did this in the past I felt so unhealthy and craved fruit. I decided that I would try to be as pure and healthy as possible at first and chose to eat only fruits and veggies. I know kind crazy and I would not recommend it but it helped me make a clean break from everything bad. I made huge fruit salads for breakfast, nice salads for lunch(I did allow dressing), dinner I had to get creative. I would do a plate of cut up veggies like coins of cucumber, baby carrots, a whole tomato, Spagetti squash, beets, canned green beans, roasted asparagus, I even tried an artichoke for dinner once that was a big fail:)
• For weigh ins I used the Wii fit, it prompts you to weigh in each time you do it and it charts both your weight and BMI. I loved seeing the chart show a downward slope I hated how long it took to calculate and how it said out loud "Thats Obese" each time. Eventually I bought a scale and began to use that as it was easier, even though it showed one pound higher than the Wii Fit did.
• Durring this time no one really knew I was working on losing weight. When you start at 245 it takes a lot of weight to be noticeable. A few of my coworkers knew what I was doing as they saw what I was eating and noticed that I always turned down food brought into the office. A few encouraged me one even gave me some workout DVDs for Zumba along with the maracas that come with the sculpt and tone workout. Integrating that with Wii Fit helped keep it interesting. I also bought a Biggest Loser walking DVD and added that to my routine.
• In October I slowly started to incorporate new foods. I thoughtfully added in Oatmeal and skim milk to my breakfasts and then sweet potatoes to my dinners. Also, in October as I was adding in new foods I knew I needed to track what I was eating. I believe that writing down what you eat is what makes Weight Watchers so successful but I did not want to give anyone money, I wanted to do this myself. I found Livestrong.com a free site to track your food. It also has a community to ask questions and post achievements. From here forward I slowly added in food while tracking my calories and weight loss.
• Throughout this time I was doing one "cheat" meal a week. Hey I was 24 and you still have to live so most times this was going out with friends and eating.

Stage Two. December to April-Going strong/Keep moving Forward

• The weekend after Thanksgiving I flipped my mattress and injured my back. It was so bad that I had to call in sick from work and went to the doctor. I got some pain pills and took 2 weeks off of workouts. Durring those 2 weeks I continued to diet and actually found that I lost weight. So even tho exersize helped I knew that I did not have to do as much as I was doing(1hr 45 min each day) I cut it down to 45 min on the Wii fit or a 50 min video everyday once I was feeling better. 
• At the end of the year I had gotten from 245 to 202. My birthday is January 4th I really wanted to be under 200 by then but man was I close. This really made me feel bad at the time. Since then I decided to not put any deadlines for myself for pounds lost. In my opinion you can do everything right and the scale can still not fall where you want it when you want it. Instead I put goals on things I can control. I will work out everyday, I will have only one cheat meal a week, I will not drink my calories, I will track everything I eat and stay under my cal goals. These things I can control and it will pay off eventually just be patient.
• At the end of January, almost 6 months in, I joined the community rec center. It gave me the elliptical and treadmill I had been wanting to try as well as access to classes without being intimidating like I felt a private gym would be. This was a great resource to have in the cold days of winter.
• Durring this time work was super slow and I had been loving the use of Livestrong but was getting tired to the same opinions so I went in search of more information online and discovered the blogging world. I really came to love reading about others in different stages of their journeys. It took a long time of reading blogs before I felt the need to comment. I wanted to comment but not anonymously so thats what prompted me to start this blog. I may not be a great writing but its a resource to connect and share my experience even if it is only for a few and my future self. 

Stage 3. April through July-Pain seeking relief

• Pain-Since hurting my back in November it had began to increase in pain to the point were I looked into resources to help. I did not like how my doctor just gave me pills for my back and did not follow up with me so I wanted something that would fix the problem instead of covering it up. 
• Chiropractor-What came to me was chiropractic care. I made an appointment and went. It seemed okay he took x-rays examined me and when I went back for results he showed me what was likely causing my pain and had a 3 week game plan for fixing it.
• Ok lets do this! He let me know that like braces moving your bones will cause some pain to begin with but then it will get better. Well I was in pain no joke. but I kept going I kept believing. Until it got so bad I could not walk my dog. I had broken down at least once with each of my parents and they sat me down and convinced me to go to a different doctor and get a different opinion.
• I thought I would give the chiropractor one more try and went in with a pad of paper and a pen and asked to just talk at my next apt. We sat down and I asked if he could give me the diagnosis and what the timeline and plan of action would be to get me out of pain. What he said was not good. He said it takes time and how he thought I was doing better. Thats when I broke down and couldn't believe what he was saying. I informed him as I had evry time I had gone in that I had never been in more pain in my life. That was my last chiropractic appointment forever. Maybe they are good for something but I believe he would have had me coming back week after week doing the something for as long as he could get money out of me. 
• Physical Therepy-Thats when I went to a reg doctor, I found a new one and I guess she is good. She of course gave me pain pills-did not touch the pain, and a prescription for an x-ray and physical therapy. Oh yeah and a follow up appointment in 4 weeks to see f the PT was working-what an idea;).
• Well I went to PT twice a week for 3 weeks the 3rd time I was still in so much pain and broke down in the office because I had asked that they put my diagnosis and plan of action in writing so I can remember and convey it to my concerned parents and they would not. This scared me that I was again wasting my time.
• Anyway, after that time they decided the stretches and the physical pulling they were doing was not enough so the did this sonogram heat thing and deep tissue massage. OMG that was a miracle!!!! It changed my life! I could walk my dog. I took it so easy those few weeks I did not want to mess it up. Each week I felt better and better it has been 3 weeks at this point and I have done C25K, Zumba, hiked, Rode my bike, gone to a yoga class, and danced with joy!!!
• They are weaning me off of it now. I am so afraid to have it taken away I am tearing up writing this. It gave me my life back and I would buy the machine and pay for a masseuse at this point if it would keep me feeling the way I do. I still have some tightness but I foresee it only getting better!
• This whole time I only went from185 to 174. Wow what a waste of time. I which so much that I had gone straight to PT instead of wasting months at the chiropractor. How much further could I be now? Nothing I can do about that now, I can only go from where I am.
• I did learn alot during this time-
• I can be patient,
• I can find help when I need it,
• I can work through pain(I found that I could bike ride without much pain and did that as much as I could),
• I can control my diet most of the time while dealing with disappointment.

August-Forward-A plan for the future

• Food wise I want to pretty much stay the same. I have found that cheat meals set me back so they are not worth it every week maybe everyother or maybe I can find a way to make them not cheat meals. Other than that I am okay with eating 1200-1300 cal a day and do not want to change that. I have always played around with the makeup of those calories and will continue to experiment that keeps it interesting.
• Excersize wise now that I am feeling better and I want to do stuff. You can't keep me from it. I plan to do something every day. I can take a rest day each week if I am hurting or feel I need to for time but just one. I hope that by the time the excitement over getting to move wanes it will already be a habit built into my day and will be automatic. I have started C25K thats 3 days a week, I'm took a yoga class Monday night. Maybe that can become a regular thing. I have prepaid for water aerobics classes before my back really got to its worst (yeah so bad could not do water aerobics) and I could ride that bike or go to the gym one day a week.
• When I got to 180lbs I had planned to start rollerblading I did it a few times and found it hurt my back so much I had to stop before I got anywhere near good. I had planned to go rollerblading on a vacation to Santa Monica but my back stopped both the rollerblading and the vacation from happening. Maybe sometime soon I can factor that in again.

If you have read to this point you are amazing! I still have a long way to go in my journey. My excitement is renewed. I have not stopped trying for a whole year. It has bone by both quickly and soooo slowly. Would I change things oh yeah! Am I changing me? You better believe it!

Super bad weekend

Comming down from a super bad weekend of eating! No parties or real reasons just bad choices and let myself get too hungry with no plan.

So now all I wanna do is eat! I think its true that some carbs and sugars make you crave more of them.

I have my groceries bought and a plan for each meal and snack. Even am trying some almond milk and protein mix to add some protein fullness to my day. Was going to have a hard boiled egg too but forgot to boil them.

Working on filling my belly with water when all it wants is nachos!

Riding around town

Well this coming week my parents are moving out of the house they have lived in since I was in first grade. They are not moving far so I will still be able to pop over all the time and "borrow" pretty much anything I need. But it probably will change things. So I have felt some pull to stop by more often as their moving day approaches.

So yesterday, Sunday, I had most of the day to myself. I cleaned a bit and did my PT moves and walked my doggie. And watched way to many episodes of Friends(love DVR). Anyway I went out to eat like late lunch with a friend and then went over to my parents house to go bike riding. They store the bike for me as I have an upstairs apartment. My dad went along with me and it was so nice. Well like 80% of it was. 20% of the time we were on the side of a narrow road and cars were wizzing by me! Well we were talking and somehow I mentioned how I feel like I missed out on all this stuff growing up.

We lived at the same house, roads if anything were less busy, my brothers rode their bikes everywhere. So why did I not. Looking back I can think of only a few reasons.

• First I just was not a outdoors girl. I'm still not. I did not like the hot sun and I burn easy, hate bugs around me in the air, and just didn't find the out doors appealing.

I spend way more time outdoors now than when growing up, mostly walking my dog.

• The second reason that I can think of is that I was very insecure with myself and always worried what others thaught of me. School was socially and emotionally hard for me. I did and still do have a fear of authority and getting in trouble. I always saw others as superior to me. I think that I probably stopped doing alot of physical things as I realized that I was big and that probably helped me get even bigger.

It sucks to think of how much time I have wasted. There is nothing that I can do about that now all I can do is realize how fast it goes and make each day count.
In the last year I have done so much that I did not even know I was missing out on.

• I have learned to rollerblade,
• I have ran on a tredmill,
• I have taken a water arobics class
• and tried Zumba!

I have taken control of my life. Sure maybe the girl standing beside me in the zumba class made fun of me in her head. Yeah I was 40 years younger than all the women in the water arobics class. And of course me rollerblading with my wrist pads, elbow pads, and knee pads looked super funny coming down the bike trail. But I would do it again in an instant.

This is my life and I am going to LIVE it. I don't know what that will mean tomarrow but I'll find out. I need to fix this back issue first it def is stopping my from doing all the things that I have dreamed up. In the mean time there is alot that I can do tho. I can ride my bike, and swim, and read inspirational bloggs. I can continue to drop this weight not only will it likely help my back but it will make doing the things I'm dreaming of easier.

Smoothie Adventures and PT

Well I have found that I love reading blogs and even commenting on them but writing my own posts well I know a little about alot but not really enough to blog about so I'll stick with what is going on currently and take it from there.
This week I decided to go ahead and try physical therapy. I'm not sure if it will help and it is super expensive but I have to do something. I dumped the chiropractor, really I was done with him when I went in to talk with him and he told me he thought I have been feeling better-obviously he wasn't hearing what I was saying and not asking enough questions to find out what was really going on. So PT! I had a consultation and was given some exercises to do. They told me that if it hurts don't do it(pretty much opposite of the chiropractor who told me to push thru the pain and suggested signing up for some 5Ks this summer-yeah right I can hardly walk my dog long enough for a poo and a pee). Went back for my first apt and felt that they really wanted to find out what was going on and they explained to me what we would be doing and why and kept asking and taking notes on what I was feeling. I go back again on Friday. I'm doing the stretches and stuff twice a day in the mean time. Also, I had just been using a heating pad but they said that ice might be good too so I did that last night it felt good in the moment. Too soon for improvement yet but they did say give it 3 weeks and if it is not 30% better-ish then it will be back to the doctor for a new path. Again, I like that they give themselves a goal time frame unlike the chiro that said well it can take time. Sorry to rant about the chiropractor I'm just ready to feel better and I am mad that I wasted months on the wrong path of treatment. He could have just said after a few weeks hey I've done all I can for you but no just kept stringing me along taking my money and time-Lame.
On to more fun things-I have been experimenting with smoothies! Most yummy is prob fresh berries with a little pom wonderful honey a banana and ice, Worst one-skim milk, banana, ice, PB, cocoa. I usually do not like to drink my calories but its summer and I felt the desire for a milkshake type thing even drink them with a fun bendy straw. Oh I have put kale in smoothies before and it you are going to drink them at home go for it but if you are taking it with you ( like to work) make sure you really blend that thing I had green pieces in my teeth at work that I was picking out for like an hour-sexy.
I have been doing real good with my new plan to not eat in the evenings. I just don't even let myself into the kitchen. It really has helped with the weight loss I think. So I'm really excited about where I am weight loss wise I am going to hit a mile stone soon 75lbs and I want to celebrate it in some way. I was thinking a spa day like a facial and massage would be great but I want to check with PT about the massage first. What have you done or plan to do when you hit a milestone? I got a new car when I reached to the 100s (but it was really like I needed a new car and the timing worked out). Still hate clothes shopping so a new outfit would be like a punishment. I would love to hear any ideas that you have. Hopefully 75 is very close.

So far this week

I lost 5 lbs in 10 days! What I can't believe it either. So much so that I have not tracked it in any of my charts waiting for it go change back one morning in error. I even thought maybe the scale was low on batteries. Changed them same number. Moved the scale all over the bathroom(maybe it was not level?) nope same number. Down down down each day. What happened? Well only thing I did different was no eating past 7:30pm starting Thursday. Well I did have one smore-I'll tell you why in a min. Also I have not had any cheat meals in 2.5 weeks yeah that's got to be it I was undoing all the good work I had done each week by eating way to much on the weekends. I am so excited about this! Even tho I don't fully believe it happened. I can do this!! It can work out I can def lose more than 75lbs in a year I am at 70lbs lost now yay!! I weighed in at 174.8 today Wow I have never seen that number.
So why did I have a smore? Well they are delicious of course. But really it was to celebrate a last. My parents are moving at the end of the month from the house I grew up in. My little brother had a last bonfire at this house-it has a long yard and backs up to a soybean field where we would have parties all the time in the summer and fall. So I crashed his party and we took pictures and had a last smore. I did not have the hamburgers on the grill or the chips or pop and savored and tracked my smore(you can have 4 marshmellos for 100 cal not too bad). I will miss that place so much. We moved there when I was in first grade. It will be weird having my parents house not be my home. Its good for them they are empty nesters now and needed something different but still a little sad.
Anyway I'm going to keep up with the no eating past 7:30 thing and let you know how it goes. I got some info on my back today that does not seem good. I had an x-ray done and now they think I should get an MRI. I can't even imagine how expensive that will be. Well it will work out somehow I just wish I was more educated on what to do and didn't have to put so much trust into doctors that are strangers and have an interest in me getting more test/ things done-more test=more $ for them. Makes it hard for me to trust them.
Sorry post went from super happy to super lame it is what it is.

Just Some Plans for June and July

There are a few things I would like to do this summer and I think I will let you all know about them and keep up the the progress along the way. I will hit my one year mark on my fitness journey on August 5th so lets see how close to completeing these goals by then.
1. Lose at least 10 lbs-I originally thaught I could lose 100lbs in a year. with my back issues I will lower that to 75 lbs in a year. I still think that that is a great accomplishment. I am at 66 lbs lost so I must lose 9 to reach that. I know I can do it!
2. Find what is wrong with my back and fix the issue. I went on wednesday and got a set of x-rays taken I am waiting on a call from my doctor on the results. After that the next step is physical therapy I guess. Maybe that plus the pain fill and muscle spasm pills and seeing my chiropractor will have some effect on the pain other than making it worse.
3. Bike ride at least 10 miles at least 10 times. in the last 2 weeks I have been biking 5 times so I don't think this will be a problem but will be something fun to keep track of.
4. Plan or go on a trip even if it is only for a few days I must leave Ohio soon and I'm sure flying at 180 (or less) will be much better than at 240 or more.
5. Buy some chothes for goodness sake!! I am such a bad shopper. When it comes to little things I am a penny pincher. Weirdly when it comes to big things I jump right in-car, trips, computer don't bat an eye. 50$ jeans and I have buyers remorse for a week. So I have no clothes right not. I have exatly 6 work outfits one pair of jeans, one pair of long shorts, 2 cute not work tops, and 12 gigantic but used to be just right t-shirts(not including workout wear). I NEED some work friendly tops and a pair of tennis shoes and a sun dress with a sweater that goes with it and some nice but not for work shirts and a pair of dark jeans that FIT. Wow thats alot can't someone just nominate me for what not to wear so they will buy it for me. Of course at this point it would be a waste to be on the show as hopefully my body will be changing sooner or later. Never the less I still need stuff to wear now!!!
6. Get my doggie to the vet. I have had so many dr appts for me I have put off hers but she is due for her yearly checkup and vaccines.
7. Stick to no late night snacking for this summer- only exception is late dinners out with people or at parties. I am not giving up my social life to this just my habit of munching right before bed.

Well thats what I want for now. Once my back feels better I have soooooo many things to add to it but I have to understand that not all things are in my control and will work in my time line even if that is what I have been working for for almost a year. I can focus on the things I can change and enjoy!

Reload

I have been doing so bad lately and it needs to stop! My lowest weigh in has been 179.8. This is the lowest weight I have ever seen on the scale as an adult. Of course I want to keep going but I feel that I am sabotaging my own efforts and using pain as an excuse. I have written before that I have had back pain since November well it is at a all time high. I have been seeing a chiropractor for almost 2 months now and although he says he sees progress, I have never been in more pain in my life. The little things that are just part of life-grocery shopping, cooking, walking my dog, standing and talking with someone at work hurt so bad that I can't even imagine working out right now. This is terrible for my physical and mental health. Without working out food is even more important to be on point and it is so not. I don't know what is up with my body but if I eat anything over 1300 cal I either gain or maintain.  Well a few days this week I was under cal goal but most days I was way over. I just let this self pity in to my brain, if I am the least bit hungry I let it take over my thinking and I make super bad choices. I don't have anything "bad" in my pantry so of course I do take out to eat bad which is so much worse than having a bit of ice cream or an extra bowl of cereal. Last night I had a huge plate of nachos that is now half eaten and left on my coffee table because as I was eating it my mind shifted and I was like why am I doing this and just left it where it was. Of course I woke up thinking that I would turn it all around today but before I even made my coffee I ate a french bread pizza(I ate the other one from the package last night). Thanks for listening. Writing this out makes it better in some way. I am going to go ahead and track the french bread pizza and move on with my day. I have worked hard this is no time to give up. My back will heal and I will get back into exercise soon, in the mean time over eating is not going to make it feel better if anything losing more weight will put less pressure on it, right?

What would you say?

Do people ask you for advice? I have been asked twice in the last week by overweight people what I have been doing and how I got started. I have no idea what to tell them. It feels hypocritical to give advice. At about 180 I am still big. I want to direct them to whomever else is around that is small and obviously does the right things to never put themselves in the position to need to lose weight.
Also, I know that I am not doing everything perfectly. If I was I would be losing weight faster than I am and I would be stronger than I am now. How can I give advice if I am just making it up as I go? So what should I say?
What I did say is that writing down everything I eat works for me as well as exercising in any way you can. I feel like this is lame tho, who wouldn't know that? Its so basic. What I think they are asking (well really what I would be asking if I was to be brave enough to approach someone for advice) is what keeps you going? How do you continue to make good decisions at 8pm on a Tuesday? How do you lose .5lbs or even gain .5 lbs after a whole week of work and keep on keeping on? What makes your planning future looking self able to wrangle the greedy in the moment self?
Do you know? I don't. The best I can come up with is that it is a muscle that you have to build on as you would any other. As you use it it becomes stronger. Also, don't let yourself get too hungry with out a game plan that is when large pizzas are ordered:) Also when I am having a bad day I drive in my car a bit and sing really loudly with Miley Cyrus's "The Climb" so corny but it speaks to me.

A few steps forward

Well I did it I took my next step in growing up and claiming my life. I got a physical done. Yay? Well I got a new doctor that I think I will like much more than the old one. She spent a lot of time with me and really talked about what was going on with me and my life. She asked a lot of questions and took detailed notes when I answered them. It was good to do. She did a blood text for a lot of things and to my great relief she called back today to say that everything came back completely normal nothing even close to problem areas. I am so happy to know that. Diabetes runs in my fam and it is my biggest fear that because of my weight I have already ruined my life by getting it but I'm not even close to prediabetic sooo happy and I know that I am doing the right things to keep those numbers good! I did get a tetanus shot in my arm just to update it and tho it did not hurt at all yesterday It kills today. Feels like I got punched in the arm!
Yesterday after my physical even tho the scale was lower than it had been in years I did hate the feeling of being the big girl at the dr office. So I decided I would kick start my working out again. When I started losing weight in Aug I worked out everyday. In November i hurt my back and took a week off. I found that I still lost weight so that is when I changed my workouts from daily to 3-4 days a week. As my back has gotten worse I have used it as an excuse to workout less or take it easier when I did workout more than a few times a week. No more excuses. I am doing JM's 30 day shred and I like it. I am only on day 2-already completed for the day and feeling sore but accomplished. It is only like 25 min so it takes no time at all but it is a real workout for that time. I can squeeze this into my morning and do it before work everyday and still have time in the evenings for other workouts, classes, rollerblading whatever. I love that it goes by so fast and when I am done I am hot and sweaty.
This week I have also tried to change up my eating a bit. I read somewhere(prob Pinterest) to eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a ----(I don't remember something middle class), and dinner like a a pauper. As I live alone it does not change any one's routine but mine so that is great. I am having a lot in the morning-coffee, omelet with veggies and small amount of cheese, greek yogurt, apple. Lunch more modest this week chicken breast shredded with 2 tbsp BBQ sauce in 3 pieces of 35 cal/slice bread, with watermelon on the side. Dinner oatmeal or cream of wheat with skim milk and berries. WW strawberry smoothie pops for after dinner snack. I just realized how lacking veggies this plan is next week I will remedy that. I can add veggies to my lunch sandwich. Got any ideas? I'd like to stay away from salads for a bit I am sick of them for lunch every day.
Lastly I have decided that I will go back to weighing in everyday and only recording it once a week. I am just so curious thru the week I always end up sneaking anyway. Today I was at 181 exactly so 41 to go!

Sloooowly

So I have been seeing a slow down since I started this blog. Correlation-unlikely but I seem to be only doing about .5 lbs on average each week for the last month. This is so frustrating yesterday I was 181.2.
I am pretty sure I should be lower than this but weighed in today at 181.6-I think it is because I caved in and had a huge coke zero last night-I almost never drink anything but water or coffee but it was just calling to me and was so yummy. My body didn't think so and it gave me hiccups for the whole eavening in response. Funny thing/cute sad thing is I have a chihuahua and she is afraid of my hiccups. She will literally tuck her tail in and stare at me and then run away when any other time she is like glued to my side.

Anyway it seems that I am always just a few steps from where I want to be. When I got my drivers license at 16 I put my weight at 180. Now I'm sure that I was probably being generous with myself and reducing my actual weight a bit but that is a huge milestone for me. If I can become smaller than my percieved weight when I was 16 that would be huge. I hate to give myself deadlines for weightloss as I never meet them even when I think I am creating easy goals so I just work one week at a time and see what that brings. I focus on what I do-food and activities. I know that if I do the rights things for long enough the scale will reflect that.

Yesterday I went to a water arobics class-it was actually water kickboxing! It was me and about 7 retired women but it was so fun. The water was so nice and the instructor was a bigger woman so it helped me feel better about walking around in a swim suit. Oh my swim suit is new BTW my old one was too big and provided absolutly no support in the bra area anymore. I got a cute green tankini top with black bottoms-I tried on like 10 before I picked this one. I just had no idea what they would look like on anymore. I did find that I am solidly a 12 now and 10s are in the near future but not wearable now. My goal is to be an 8 yeah single didgets-scarry!

Breakfast this moring if you are looking for yummy summer food-Dannon Light and Fit .5 cup, Fiber one 80 cal cereal 3/4 cup and any berries fruit you want to add! I did blue berries as that is what I had:)

Friendly Thaughts

Do you have a weakness for a certain type of food? Of course you do we all do. I was out with some girlfriends the other night and we started talking about ours. S's weakness is pop. She prefers Coke and will drink it all day every day if she had the funds. J's weakness is sweets. She is temporarily living with her parents her mom is retired and is home all day. J will hold up in her room all day and not eat and then will be starving for dinner and after and will eat dinner with her parents and then steal a bunch of cookies or whatever is available and take it back to her room to eat alone after dinner. K's weakness is take out. She was a single mom for a long time and got in the habit of picking up food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for herself and probably breakfast and dinner most days for her daughter.
Chatting with these friends I came to see at different points I had similar habits as each of them. I think my food habits have changed so much in these past few months and my awareness of calories is so heavy in my mind when I make food choices, even when I am intetionally making less than healthy choices.
Even with this new knowledge I know that if I let myself I could easily go back into my old ways and become that girl again. Tracking has been so important to me in this journey. Foods I eat have changed, excersize has changed alot, I don't know what matinence will look like yet. It is too far away to know but I'm sure that if not everyday I will definatly still be tracking my food to make sure I am in line periodically.

Update on my back: I am taking advil around the clock my aunt, a nurse said that I should continually take it a few days to build up in my system to see if it can reduce some swelling(pain) in the area that could be caused by the adjstments. Also, I am planning on getting a physical soon and will bring this up with my regular doctor. Mentally I am in a much better place today.

April Showers

I went to the Chiropractor and finally asked the question that has been on my mind for weeks: When will this start working and I stop hurting? His answer is it will just take time. TIME arghhh! I am tired of being patient. I am patient about weight loss. I am patiently working a job I don't love while patiently looking for a new one. I am patiently dealing with my back pain.

I was so upset when I left that instead of going into work early like I had planned I had to go to see my mom so she could calm me down. I am tearing up just writing about this. I am so mad at myself for allowing this to happen! If I could have fixed this weight problem years ago maybe whatever I did to my back would not have happened. I'm so mad that now that I have gotten my act together is when the pain comes not before. I don't tell anyone how bad it hurts because I am embarrassed and don't want to be seen as weak. It has hurt since Thanksgiving and I am only 25. Have I already ruined my life before it really got started? Sorry whiny. I'll get better and I'll keep working hard. Of the things I could be doing to help my back losing weight has got to help it right?

On another note eating has been great. I decided a few weeks back that I would stay on track throughout the weekends and I am only going off my normal eating if I eat out with someone. In that case, I still try and track what I am eating so I see the damage and encourage myself to make good choices. It does no good to eat 1300 cal each day sun-Thursday if I eat back the deficit over the weekend. I don't know what all of you do for planning meals but I am a planner. I grocery shop every Sunday and have a very specific list I make and stick to. I plan every meal and snack. I work late 2 days a week and eat lunch and dinner at work so I have to have 2 meals that can be made ahead of time or in the microwave those days plus my snacks. I pack it all before work to make it easy to make good choices for food at work-no vending machines for this girl!

Thanks for the encouragement on the Zumba class. It really was fun-much more enjoyable than the elliptical:) I'm afraid that it may have set me back on the back healing a bit but I can't just lay on the couch for 6 months but I may have to put of getting my Latin grove back for another week or so.

Zumba Love

So I went to my first Zumba class last night and loved it!
When I first started on this weight loss plan at 245 I was too embarressed to even go to a gym to work out so I would shut my blinds and do zumba tapes in my living room(as well as wii fit and a biggest loser dvd). I really liked them they were fun and went by fast and of course once you got the moves down they could be as challenging as you wanted because thats when you could add your own wiggles:)
When I got down to 200 I joined a gym. I liked it at first because it was a change in my routine and seemed more of a push that the videos were- I think mainly because I had done the same 2 for too long.
Now that I am near 180, (182 as of this morning)  I am more willing to get out there and try new things. Yes I thaught I would look silly doing my dance moves in front of others. Byt everyone was really into it and just doing their own thing. I did feel bad that since I was new I def did not get the dance moves right most of the time. This brought me pretty close to the girl on my left each time for some reason. Sorry if I was intruding your space I will be better next time and the time after that and so on.

I want to spice up my workouts with other things, variety seems to be the key for me. I think if I can do something that gets my heart going and breaks a sweat for at least 30 min 4 times a week I'll be happy. This summer I have rollerblading-def want to do at least once a week, gym work out -elliptical for 40 min with some rowning machine for arms would be good enough, then Zumba classes once a week seems like so much fun. I just need to either come up with one more thing or do the gym twice a week until I figure it out.

Gotta keep it fresh!

Side note last night for dinner I made chicken breast-pan some spray salt pepper vegetable seasoning and a dash of soy sause, and a sweet potato microwaved whole for 8 min sprayed with I can't belive its not butter. MMM it was so good. And it filled me up so much after Zumba that I was feeding bites of sweet potato and chicken to my doggie-I have a bad habit of giving her bites of food when we are home alone. But look at this sweet girl how can I resist!

Zooming

I am now a rollerblader!! I bought blades easter weekend. My brother and dad were around to hold me up as I skated back and forth in front of my parents house. It was alot like learnig to ride a bike but I was what 20 years older:)
The next weekend I went back over and my dad helped me again by the end I was able to go on my own and he just walked next to me. I did skin my knee with one fall but I was kinda happy about it. It has been a long time since I had been active enough to get a skinned knee!
This week I went out on my own one morning. I walked to the park put on my knee elbow and wrist guards and went rollerblading. It was so fun! I didn't go very long but just enough to not get too tired. I am concentrating alot on not falling at this point so I get tired fast from it and then I am less stable. I am excited to becoming more active as I get more compfortable with my body.
I am working on finding a new routine for being active. I'm thinking one gym day and then maybe some activity classes plus rollerblading will be great. Tonight I am going to go to a Zumba class if I don't chicken out :)
Have you done any fitness classes? How did it go were you compfortable? Did the time fly?

Visual Cheer!

I have a few things around my appartment for motivation. I have a nice little glass plate on it there are two candle holders one is labled lost and one is labled to go. I have little glass rocks that indicate pounds. Each is a haph a pound to fill up the candle holders. Its very pretty and I love that the lost is visibly more full now than the to go. Recently I have felt a bit crafty and wanted to make a chart as well that would go on my wall. I went to the teacher supply store that is open to the public here for ideas. I found the section where they have the boarders that teachers would decorate the chalk board or cork board with. There were alot of options I picked 2. One is a road this I marked off my 44 lbs to go where each lb is 2 inches. On this I am putting stickers of frogs each time I weigh in. I write on their bellies the date and my current weight. Its cute and takes up a whole wall. I kind of like it. The second is kindof in the red famly and is wavy with different colors I found an orange/red frog bookmark that I can place to hang at the current weight this is smaller with each inch being 2 lbs. What do/did you use to cheer yourself on? Visuals, treating yourself, etc? 

Starving for Skates

I have a weird work schedule where I will work like one or 2 saturdays a month when I do I get to have Friday off. I really love that. Its a day that I can vistit my friends who don't work-stay at home moms and students. Also, I can get stuff done like shopping when stores are much less busy than on the weekends. So I went to visit my friend yesterday(Friday). She lives about an hour away so we were going to spend the whole day together. I figured we were going out to lunch but I ate a good breakfast anyway. So I got to her place around 10:30 and she was going to Florida the next day so had some errends to run. We did that, it is always fun hanging out and talking no matter what we are doing, then went and saw Hunger Games-pretty good-book of course better but movie did what it could. Then, we went back to her place and changed to go to her gym(she can bring a guest for free so nice) and had to stop by the library on the way.
So my point is that I was starving by the time we got to the gym like at 3:30. We did 10min warm up on tredmill. 30 min of stations that go from weights then to cardio back and forth. Then I was going to do elliptical and she was going to do bike for 40 min. I got to 20 and was shaking I was so hungery I can usually go for an hour. So then we went to dinner. Moral of the story is that like grocery shopping you should never go to the gym hungry. Its hard when you are not at home to control everything. I should have spoke up to get something before we went or packed a healthy snack in my bag just in case. But each day is for learning and I will remember this in the future.
One of the errends that we did took us to her mall. While there I decided to make a big purchase that I have been excitedly planning for a while. I got a pair of Rollerblades yay! I also got a set of knee and elbow pads I know I will be falling:) I will be learning to rollerbalde in the coming weeks and hopfully we a blading machine come summer! I'm not super coordinated and a bit nervous that it will hurt my back recovery but I can't let those things stop me from enjoying my life. It looks like so much fun! I thought of bike riding but I have absolutly nowhere to store a bike I live on the second floor in an appartment and rollerbaldes can easily fit anywhere. So whish me luck in learning. From the learning to skate articles I have read, I plan to start on carpet then grass then sidewalk then pavement. What kinds of activities have you always wanted to try/learn/improve on?What do you think is holding you back from jumping in?

Backs and weigh ins

I had a pretty uneventful weekend. My weigh in on Friday was a wash I stayed the same that sucks I never stay the same only time since this started was for 2 weeks over christmas. That time a year I was just happy to stay the same as Christmas, New Years, and my birthday all come within 2 weeks of eachother.
My back has been hurting since November and I decided last week that I would try a chiropractor. So after going last week and geting x-rays done I went back yesterday for my results and first adjustment.
I don't know if my back was at the top of my mind or if the exam did something but since going last Tuesday it hurt worse than ever so this weekend I had a little pity party and did pretty much nothing but hang out with my doggie. Yesterday after leaving I had it in my mind that one adjustment would fix it and I would feel better. I took a 1/2 day at work to recover physicaly and mentaly and thaught I was feeling better. Thats when I took my dog to the park. I was just going to lay in the sun and let her play in the grass but she whined to walk around. I took her on the shortest path around a small lake and could hardly make it all the way around. Arghh I just wanna feel better!
I go back today and want to discuss when I should start feeling like a 25 year old instead of an 80 year old. I am in the best shape of my adult life, the smallest I have ever been since 16 and feel worse than I ever have. Its funny if you think about it when you lose weight people ask if you feel so much better. I would love to say I do. Hopefully soon. I need to feel better as soon as possible.
On a different note this weekend is Easter and my little brother will be in town from college. He is going to go with me to get a new pair of rollerblades and then I am going to learn to skate. It will be a funny thing seeing me on some rollerblades but I think it will be so much fun and a great way to burn some calories in an enjoyable way. Wish me luck at the chiropractor today!

Resturant Wars

I went out to lunch today for a work thing. I didn't eat all the food-no one could there was way too much food in the portions. Everyone was getting to go boxes except me. I by a rule do not bring left overs into my home. Resturant food is almost always, well okay always, higher cal and lower nutrition than I would normally make for myself. If I bring it home I will eat it. Then I haven't splurged on one meal I have splurged on 2. I don't go out to eat often but when I do it is always off plan. I eat about 1200 cal a day and I'm sorry but there is no way I can go out, except for Subway which I do not really count as a resturant, and stay within my cal without starving myself the rest of the day. My coworkers thaught it was wasteful. One brought up starving childeren-like I'm going to somehow prevent childhood hunger by eating the 2nd half of my meal-no donation place is going to take your leftovers off your plate.

My thaughts about going out to eat have changed a lot. I used to love it and order whever looked good and the biggest portion. I think eating out has always been a treat for me. We hardly ever ate out when I was a kid so I wanted it to be good and big. As I grew up and was eating out more somehow I didn't care about quality so much I just wanted a big amount to eat of rich food. This led to horrible choices and a mind set I still see myself fighting, and losing, when I go out to eat or order take out.

For Now I scope out the website and nutrition info of the place I am going and game plan ahead of time. I hate when a place does not have nutritional info online-almost all chains do and almost no cool or independent places do. I find I get stressed if something changes my game plan like my friends just want to split a bunch of appetizers and I have no idea what I am eating. Also, I still haven't figured out how to stop myself from picking at the food when I have eaten enough. I have a long way to go but everyday is practice.

How do you handle eating out? Do you track what you eat when you eat out or just have an "off" meal like me?

Light French Toast

So most mornings I have the same thing a serving of fiber one yougert and berries. I was out of Fiber One so I concocted my weekend breakfast treat on a Thursday it is:
2 slices of Healthy life whole wheat bread-35 cal/slice + Egg beaters-1/2 cup 60 cal + Cinnamon + Honey-60cal/tbsp=190cal french toast-Yummy!!
To good to pass up. Try it with berries or banana slices too.
Tomorrow is a weigh in day. When I started I would weigh everyday but then I got obsessive of the scale and would check it every time I went into the bathroom where I keep it. I decided I would hide the scale in my spare bedroom and only take it out once a week. I like this as I'm not costantly impacted by the number
fluctuations and when I do weigh in there is usually a change of more than an .1 of a lb so that is much better for tracking. So wish me luck tomarrow.
I have been pretty good about eating but have only worked out once this week. I was sick this past weekend and had a doctor's apt on Tuesday morning. I usually try to work out 4 days a week SSMT. Yeah I should space it out but these are the days that work for my schedule normally so I don't. So no excuses this weekend I'll be in the gym SST if all goes to plan. I have a follow up Dr apt M so it is what it is. Hope you have a wonderful Thursday(R)!

Putting myself out there.

Hi, I'm C. I have been creeping around the blog universe for long enough. I am ready to join and be a part of the collective. I have been on my own journey to drop the weight since Aug 5, 2011. I began at 245 am currently at 184 and would like to get to 140 thus the 44 to go. 44 seems so small and yet is so big. I have never been smaller than I am now and am entering uncharted territory. When I got my driver's license at 16 I put my wight as 180lbs. I'm sure that was an estimate and probably a kind one.
I believe that I have learned alot since August and will post some tips, ideas, meals and snacks as I come up with them, and of course questions for all of you. I know that alot of people are on the same road that I am and we have all strted at different stages on the path. There is a ton of knowledge out there I hope I can add to it as I learn from it!